Friday, 25 April 2008
Sometimes it's very easy to slip into taking things a bit too much for granted. Big Sister has her first GCSE today and an insurmountable number of tests are piling up for her. I am a very lucky lady - my daughters are kind, considerate (to others, if not each other!), polite, well behaved and most days a delight to be around. What I sometimes am in danger of forgetting is just how fragile they are.
These past few weeks have proved a real test for Big Sister in many ways. She has had to confront a lot of her demons, sit in her room and revise whilst outside the sun was shining, learn that as much as she wants to, mum can't stop the inevitable exam timetable from drawing nearer. Sometimes I want to morph into her and do the pesky tests for her but what good would that do? Sometimes, this week in particular, I want to stop the world from crowding in on her and leave her be.
Sometimes she shows me a piece of her writing, like she did yesterday, and I cry because even under pressure she can produce such beauty. Sometimes when she is crying I wish she wasn't so sensitive and hard working and things would be better for her. Sometimes when she is crying the only thing that works is mad mum dancing and I did so much of that last night that I'm surprised I'm still mobile this morning.
Sometimes I am so proud of you Big Sister and forget to tell you. Sometimes the darned clock seems to forget to tick and a school day feels like a life time.
Sometimes it's good to know there's a vat of ice cream in the freezer, a comfy sofa and some more of that dancing waiting at home for you.